Why Do We Do What We Do? The Hidden Reasons For Our Actions
There is an old joke about a guy whose psychiatrist asks this question. The guy explains that he shoots rabbits because they make him feel safe. His psychiatrist says, “That’s interesting. Why don’t you go on and shoot a man?” The guy replies, “Because then I wouldn’t feel safe.” Another explanation is that we do things for pleasure or pain. However, this does not explain all our actions. Imagine someone asks you to explain why you like to eat ice cream. You could reply, “I like ice cream because it makes me feel good.” True – but incomplete. We also like ice cream because it has a particular texture and flavor that satisfies a craving for something sweet. We also like ice cream for other reasons: It cools us off on hot days, gives us a much-needed source of quick energy, it makes us feel good about ourselves, etc.
Do you ever wonder why people do what they do? Why someone would want to spend their days commuting for hours every day, or work long hours in a competitive profession even though they’re achieving little success? The answer may be simple: because that’s just how life is. But it turns out there are many other reasons we act the way we do. We make decisions constantly, and our motivations can range from the mundane to the deeply personal. Understanding these hidden reasons for our actions can help us understand ourselves better and make smarter choices about how we live our lives.
Why do we do things? What compels us to keep going when life seems hopeless, and our future looks bleak? These questions have puzzled philosophers for centuries.
We are all driven by different things. Some people are driven by money, some by recognition, some by adventure, and so on. In truth, whether we are aware of it or not, we are all motivated by a deep down inner need to be appreciated. This is true even for the most self-centered person on earth. If you want to know what someone is thinking and feeling, all you have to do is watch what they are motivated by. However, if you want to know the most critical reason for doing anything, ask yourself this question: “What would I do if nobody was watching?”
Here are the main reasons, in rank order of importance:
1. Out of habit -This is perhaps the most common reason for doing almost anything. Do you find yourself doing things out of habit? I know that’s not always the best option, but sometimes we just can’t help ourselves. Sometimes our minds are so focused on getting through a task as quickly and efficiently as possible – without necessarily considering other factors-that decision making skills go byebye! Simply put, it is easier to do something that you have done before – even if you know that it is not necessarily the best choice. The first step to avoiding this problem: start by asking yourself why exactly do i want/need (fill in whatever action) done today?” And then ask again; after all, there could be many reasons for anything, so pay attention!! After you have pinpointed your goal(s) – time to get down to business. I find this next part the most helpful in the decision-making process: Write out a list of all possible ways you can achieve said task! Sounds simple enough, right? Well, it is! Just write everything that enters your mind onto paper, then narrow each into groups by how feasibly one idea positions over another. The more ideas/options you have written out-the easier it will be for you to choose wisely when it’s time to cross something off (or add something else if necessary). I like to sort my ideas like this (with numbers): 1)A), 1)B), 1)C), 2)A), 2)B), 2. C)…well, you get the idea. If an item seems essential but doesn’t seem to fit in anywhere, I give it its category – usually at the top of my list so that I can keep track of all possible options. Once you have everything broken down into minor categories, start eliminating items one by one- focusing on either crossing them off your paper completely or rearranging where they belong on the list…(hey, essential things need their places too!!) Also, remember: more than two options for a specific task is unnecessary and time-consuming. When you finished organizing + eliminating – choose from your remaining number & voila! You have narrowed down all bases of potential decision-making to a workable and productive few! I hope this strategy has been helpful!! Decision making can be the hardest part of the day for some – so good luck and best wishes in your effort:) Remember: you’ve got this!!
Read : The Hidden Traps in Decision Making
2. To avoid pain.- It is an interesting fact that people will do anything to avoid pain. In times of difficulty or hardship, they may take irrational actions in order not have difficulties anymore – but these same behaviors can also cause us more problems than we anticipated if our goal wasn’t realized by means other than what was desired initially! It seems that we want to have it both ways, but life is full of reality checks! So when we cut, break off relationships with friends and family, quit jobs because they are too stressful, or start to abuse alcohol in order to forget the difficulties of life – we could be making things worse for ourselves. But why would we do this? It’s psychological! We all know that admitting our mistakes is a sign of strength. However, it is also true that most people seek to avoid the discomfort and pain that comes from realizing they were wrong – or perhaps their own weaknesses or limitations. Sometimes it is easier to act out our problems than face them!
People will do more to avoid pain than they will do to gain pleasure.- Tony Robbins
3. To Please Others -Because someone else wants us to do. It is human nature to want to please other people. In general, we do not create social relationships for the purpose of being bad friends or partners – rather, our main goal is to have positive and supportive interactions with people. We all know what a horrible feeling it is when a family member or a friend turns on us and abandons us – even if they weren’t that important, to begin with. That’s why we often hurt ourselves to avoid them damaging us first! Sometimes people drink alcohol because their friends are drinkers too – but sometimes drinking is done alone to feel less lonely. Others smoke pot because their family members do it too – but others do it just when they need relief from daily life stressors. Some cut themselves or otherwise hurt themselves to ease the pain and provide an alternative way of coping with difficult emotions.
Read : The Neuroscience of Seeking Pleasure and Avoiding Pain
4. To get something that we want. -We often do things just because we want something else more than we want or need the thing we are doing. The more we want something, the harder it is to get. It’s called “Rational Choice Theory”. It explains the best choice for us when there are several options. When you choose one thing, you have to give up another thing. Each option has a different value – how much you want or need that certain thing. You do what gives you the best result overall. Rational Choice Theory explains lots of things about how we make decisions in life and why people do what they do that doesn’t always seem logical. It even works for bad decisions – because the other options are worse. People choose to do things that are good for them, but not always what seems best, like smoking cigarettes. It’s deadly, causes cancer and damage to your lungs, heart, and blood vessels. But people still smoke because it makes them feel better somehow or because they don’t want to quit yet. Rational Choice Theory can be used to explain why humans do things that hurt themselves, like smoking cigarettes. It may make them feel good now, but the effects will come later, and they will regret not choosing to stop smoking before it was too late.
5. Because we are obligated to. -We often do things because we feel that we should. This is a more complicated reason than the others, but it is still pretty simple. The obligation can be based on social reasons (like we are supposed to pay our bills on time), or it can be based on ethical reasons (like we know that lying to get out of work is wrong). We are often obligated to do things because somebody makes us feel like we have to. If somebody asks you for a favor, but they don’t make it sound like a request, then they are probably trying to make you feel obligated to help them out. It is also possible that somebody might try to guilt-trip another person into doing something, which means the other person feels compelled because of how guilty they feel about saying no. Sometimes people want us to feel this way because they want us to do something that benefits them somehow. There might even be times when someone wants us to feel obligated and agrees with us when we say that we don’t want to do something. They might even try saying that they understand if we refuse, but then they will act like it’s okay that we said no because they were feeling bad about making us feel obligated in the first place. We also do things out of obligations when they are unnecessary. These can be called “social obligations” and usually include things like shaking hands when you meet someone or telling someone to thank you after giving you something. Whenever anyone feels obligated to go along with someone else’s idea about behaving, the obligation is called normative influence. We usually play along with it anyway because nobody wants to feel left out or different from everyone around them – except snobby jerks, but hopefully, they do not influence you. It’s just easier to play along than deal with everyone constantly looking at you for being different. There are also specific obligations that we feel when it comes to our own beliefs or behaviors. These can be called “ethical obligations.” An example of an ethical obligation is telling the truth about what happened, even if it hurt somebody else’s feelings. There are a lot of times when we know that there will be consequences if we tell the truth, but this does not mean that we should keep quiet to avoid those consequences. Sometimes we tell the truth even when it seems like it will do more harm than good, but this is because we think of ourselves as people of integrity who know that everyone makes mistakes and so forth. Sometimes we feel obliged not to hurt other people’s feelings. This is called moral obligation, and there are certainly times when it can feel pretty bad to hurt somebody or let them down somehow. It just feels better for most people to avoid hurting other people whenever possible by whatever means necessary – unless they’re a sadist or something. Then you probably don’t want them playing with your children anyway. These obligations can be even stronger if we feel that somebody has done something nice for us, giving us a gift or doing our homework. Even if somebody treats us like they care about us, we may feel responsible for them in some ways because of that
6. For recognition– Many people do things in order to get approval from others. This is a weak motivation, but it is still significant owing to the fact that doing something for other individuals may be enjoyable in and of itself, and knowing that someone values your efforts makes you feel accomplished on some level. The worst thing than feeling empty inside is being surrounded by lies or wrongdoing without speaking up about them. When people are overly sensitive to criticism or get upset about others’ success rather than being happy for them, social pressure may cause issues. This does not, however, imply that we should reject the desire for recognition entirely. We should also recognize that recognition might be a motivation to do good things even if we don’t receive anything tangible in return, such as money or status. Even if we don’t become famous, the desire for recognition may encourage us to study hard and assist others. People’s actions often have unintended consequences, such as when they unintentionally harm others or make themselves look bad. Isn’t it true that most people concentrate on themselves and not on how their actions affect others? This is because we intuitively believe that we will lose interest when we spend too much time thinking about ourselves rather than the needs of others. When we feel responsible for helping others, this can provide enough satisfaction in itself, especially when we take pleasure in what they think about us. We only need small doses of social approval in order to feel good.
7. Because it is easy. -This is the least important of all the reasons, but it is still worth mentioning. We do things that are easy because they are easy, not because we have any other reason for doing them. Eating a doughnut is easier than eating an apple, and throwing a ball at a wall is easier than carrying it around. The cost for this ease of use is very low: the one-time effort to learn how to use something simple is quickly lost in the background of our daily lives. You don’t have to remember that pushing the red button will stop the machine because you never knew in the first place. Every action, large or small, requires a certain amount of effort. The more complex something is to do, the more effort it takes. And so, if we can find any way at all to reduce the difficulty of doing something, people are going to take advantage of it. If using one button instead of two halves the problem for doing some task (and no other benefits exist), then people will undoubtedly choose that method, all things being equal. The second reason is convenience, which has some relationship with ease of use but is not identical. There is some degree of cost associated with comfort, but not so high as to outweigh the benefits of the convention itself.
Tony Robbins discusses the “invisible forces” that motivate everyone’s actions
We all have a need to feel in control of our lives. This is why people tend to gravitate towards the most logical explanations for events, even if they are incorrect or incomplete You may have been wondering what the hidden motivations behind your actions are. Well, we’ve solved that mystery for you! Like we said, these are just some of the many reasons that can cause people to do what they do. There is no one-size fits all solution and it’s important for us (and you!) to be open minded about how each person may react differently in different situations.
You don’t need to be a neuroscientist to understand the hidden reasons for our actions. All you have to do is ask yourself why and then follow your curiosity down whatever rabbit hole it takes you, because that’s how we learn new things about ourselves.